Today I spent most of my time in Richmond walking around with mom through dollar stores trying to find closet boxes for my closet, as well as in traffic, eating, and seeing the dermatologist. Mom was also very excited in showing me the displays at Aberdeen centre. Apparently they were show casing how life used to be like in Hong Kong back in the 1970s. There were some miniature displays of food booths in the past that i thought were quite cute. Food was unexpectedly good. We tried a Japanese restaurant called Gyo-o in the plaza on Cambie street and I really enjoyed their oyster milk ramen. The soup was very delicious and the oyster was just right, not too tender nor stiff. Mom enjoyed it quite a bit too. We also ordered the chicken teriyaki don and salmon sashimi but those tasted similar to anywhere else. But I’ll definitely go back to try their soya milk kimchi noodle one time. Just the name of it attracts me.

After dinner I went to work (and as I’m typing I’m actually still working ) and Helen let me try her new bought bracelet. It has a nice and cool design to it, although I’m not sure it I’m convinced to get one for $50.

After a two hour career domination workshop today I finally got to enjoy my dinner at 9pm. Originally wanted to eat at MoMo Sushi but unfortunately they close at that time…so we were forced to go to Guu right next door, which, to me, is an expensive but awesome alternative!

The food in order of pictures: okonomiyaki, yam fries with cheese, sashimi salmon with 7 friends, and duck breast cold ramen!

Thank you God for giving me the HR opportunity with Vancouver Aquarium!

Today I went to visit dad. I bought him some purple chrysanthemums. They were beautiful. As as I stared at them. I couldn’t help but think. Chrysanthemums will always be chrysanthemums. They’ll never be roses. And roses will never be chrysanthemums. Roses will always be more expensive and prestigious. So does it matter how hard chrysanthemums try to be roses? Because at the end of the day they’ll all fall down.

Dad, I wish I could talk to you.

Last week has been one of those weeks where I feel a little bit more useful as i tried to understand some of the capabilities there are within me as well as listen to some innovative speakers. To this world and everyone within it, people are measured just like a lot of other things. People love you based on your net worth. And when you aren’t worth it anymore, then perhaps they won’t love you anymore. Now understand that I’m talking about this from a human perspective and not from a Godly perspective because God is unconditional but we are. So the only way for us to be respected and liked and treasured is to gain our own self worth and values. There seems to be a lot of exeptions in this world too to what i mentioned above but that is probably because the value systems are different. So for example, if a mom views her baby as a valuable to her since the baby was once a part of her body, i suspect that it would be fair for her to love her child even if the child becomes a drug addict in the future. And yes I’ve only just begun to realize all this. So my next step is to try to improve myself. But I’ll need to become more motivated and constantly tell myself not to fall behind. I have to constantly remind myself that although I can leave God with the rest I must never forget that I must try my best first too.

So career workshops, counselling, interviews, personal development, here I come!

And to end off this entry, a salute to my highlight of being able to go into the Vancouver Aquarium after my interview as well as a few snapshots of Anthony and Edith’s amazing wedding and my dinner with my previous Human Resources classmates.

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Dear Heavenly Papa,

I’m typing this prayer down onto my facebook because I can’t seem to remember my past prayers to you very well and I just want to know what I prayed about let’s say 30 years from now.  Maybe by then xanga won’t be popular anymore and maybe I would’ve lost all of this data anyways but at least at the moment I know I’m actually taking a mental note of what I’m saying (or typing).

Dear papa, I don’t know why the world is the way it is right now but I just want to thank you for the natural beauty that you still let us see everyday.  No matter if it’s just a tree or a piece of grassland, but all these came from you and aren’t in control by any of us.  The stem of these creations came from you, oh mighty God, so we must give you thanks and praise including for ourselves, which is your most beautiful creation on earth. 

Perhaps human kind has really made you sad and mad at one time, but I’m thankful that you still chose to stick by us.  And perhaps I’ve disappointed you countless times before too, but I’m thankful that you’re still here listening to me.

Papa, I just hate this world.  Not for what you created but for the mess that it has become.  I know Jesus commanded us to love one another, and so I’m not talking about hate in the kind of wanting to kill people or judge people in general, but just the messed up views people have nowadays.  Sometimes it’s just so hard to not be tempted by the lies of this world.

Anyways I know I haven’t prayed to you in a long long time, and I’m sincerely sorry for that.  Mom just asked me if I’ve been praying for her lately, and the truth is, I haven’t.  I think I’ve become so selfish and full of myself lately that I neglect to truly care about the people around me.  So I’d like to pray for her now.  Papa, you know how she’s been sick lately.  Not as in having a cold or flu, but because of her kidney.  Papa, I don’t know how you allowed all this to happen in her life (from her aneurysm when she was in her 20′s, unhappy marriage, unhappy relationships with family, aneurysm again in her 50s, and now hep C that accumulated for so many years) but I pray that you’ll give her strength and guidance in every step that she takes.  Give her faith so that she can trust in you and believe that whatever you provide to her is for her step.  Give her good friends so that they may embrace her and share you precious words with her.  Let her be healthy for the remainder of her days.  Take away the harm and danger Hep C is causing her.  In the name of Jesus, heal her.

Papa, I am a sinner myself so maybe it’s not exactly glorifying for a sinner to pray to such a high high priest.  But I pray that you will listen to this prayer very attentively like you’ve done for all these years, and grant me my wish because I’m asking very sincerely of you.  Heal my mom.  Give her happy days in her life.  Let me be a blessing to her.  Teach me to be a good daughter and have an immensely greater patience and love for her.  I need her by my side.

Papa, to tell you the truth, lately my heart has been hardened a whole lot more than before.  I get irritated easily and I don’t even want to share much with my friends anymore.  I hate explaining things to others and I don’t want anyone to teach me what to do or give me any more pressure that I don’t want.  Day in and day night I try to dress myself well with my mask but at the end of the day I think it’s quite obvious to you that I’m not happy.  And when the people around me are happy, I get jealous.  And I hate that too.  So I choose to stay away further if possible.  I hate myself for who I am.  I feel like I disappoint everyone around me all the time.  I’m depressed. 

But tonight, Psalm 144: 1-2 says:
Blessed be God, my mountain, who trains me to fight fair and well.  He’s the bedrock on which I stand, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight, The high crag where I run for dear life, while he lays my enemies low.

No I don’t know why my life can’t be a happy little story where I lived in a whole family with a sibling and a mom and dad side by side, no I don’t know why I grew up not knowing much, no I don’t know why several friends around me are much better off than I am, and no I don’t know why my mom’s health isn’t well and my dad past away and now I’m just left in the middle of the road not knowing what choice to make for my future, but Psalm teaches me that in any circumstances I must have You in my thoughts.  I must remember You and give you praise just because of who YOU are, not what I’ve become, and for what YOU do, and not what I’ve done or will do.  If I can become motivated and become a changed person, it’s because you allowed me to and I have put trust and faith in You.  Nothing else.  Nothing else.

So Papa, I just want to pray for my interview tomorrow.  I pray that I can get a good sleep tonight, be able to wake up early tomorrow, and be ready and answer honestly but with self confidence for every question the interviewer will ask me.  Equip my mouth so I can speak fluently without stutter and let the interviewer be able to know how sincere I am about my interest in the position.  Don’t leave me feeling regretful or unhappy like I’ve been for the past interviews I’ve had.  I should try my best and let You do the rest. 

So papa, thanks for listening to all this, and I pray this in your precious name, Amen.

Why is it that people always look towards status, what job you do, what car you drive, what brands you wear, how articulate you are, and if you are a people person or not? 

Why is it that we have to abide to the system of this world in order to survive and seem to “do well”?  And why is it that some people have to work super hard for something whereas some people just have to open up their palms to receive it? 

Perhaps there are no reasons to explain all this.  I’m just another dot on this planet. Just leave me be.

I hope these pictures help fill in some of the gap of how I’ve been these last few months . Of course there’s the bad and the good, the happy and the sad.

I graduated, Calvin came over to visit, and the clock keeps ticking. My mom needs to get therapy treatment soon, and I’m still quite worried about my future.

I want to change myself very badly but I don’t know when I’ll actually be triggered to changed. What’s missing? The puzzle isn’t solved yet.

Just walk.

5 years ago Kina Grannis was performing in a mini cafe imagining that one day she would be able to hear a loud crowd of people singing songs (her songs) with her together. She went off to her dream to pursue and create songs.

Today she sings with thousands of people almost daily.

I want to create my own dream and my own future. I no longer wish to be confined by the tiny window that people or I myself have created for myself ever since the day I was born. Roar.