How should I start? Should I start by telling you that I had one of the most memorable trips so far in Europe but that it was also the most nerve racking? Or that I had an awesome time figuring out myself more but then I feel quite tired and mad about why I act so negatively in certain circumstances to either the situation or person? But either way maybe I should start by telling you briefly about the "incidences" or "would be incidences" that occurred during our trip and how lucky we were the whole time until we came back.

1. From Lund station to Malmo airport, me and Rebekah arrived just in time with five minutes to spare before the gates were "supposed" to close: We agreed that we didn't want to take the earlier flynnagen bus because that would mean we'd arrive 2 hours earlier at the airport. I guess that was the only really wise decision we made in terms of transportation wise because...

2. The air flight got delayed by 4.5 hours: We were supposed to leave at 12:10 pm but because of the fog at Gdansk airport in Poland, the airport closed down all landing for the couple of hours so Wizz Air made us wait until the sun set down and they could see through the fog better and see the tracking lights on the airport floor at night. So the whole air craft just sat there waiting...the plane was there, the crew was there, we were there, but we had to wait until there was no sun. So much for wanting to spend some sun light in Gdansk on the first day.

3. From Gdansk central station, we basically looked for an hour before we found out which platform and train to take to Malbork castle. I searched online beforehand but none of the sites told me which train, it just said there would be a train. Turns out there are the blue and yellow trains, the regional trains, and of course, the trams. Not very hard to figure out but still a bit troublesome for the two of us who knows no Polish and people don't speak very good English either. Not to mention the fact that we were almost always the only two Chinese people everywhere. People stare at us like strange creatures throughout our whole trip.

4. This isn't an incidence or would be incidence but just in continuation with my emphasis on how "strange" we are to the Polish while we were walking away from Malbork castle a bunch of teenage boys stared at us and three of them tried to imitate us talk and whispering to each other that we were "Chinske" or something like that. I wonder how Chinese people survive living in Poland actually...do they ever get used to this type of stares and gestures? (And on the train ride this little girl looked at us so curiously the whole time like she's never seen a Chinese before)

5. We almost missed our Polski bus at night towards Warsaw when we assumed that 1.5 hours would be enough to get from our hostel to the city centre to the bus station. Turns out transportation systems in Poland aren't that reliable either. The buses come every hour or so and you could actually miss them because they don't come. So me and Rebekah kept on waiting and waiting and eventually got to the central but then had to run around asking people where the tram was and then finally getting on bus realizing that it takes 30 min to get to the bus station...which meant we'd either make it on time or 5 min after the bus leaves. Thank God we arrived with 5 min to spare.

6. The bus ride from Gdansk to Warsaw was approximately 6 hours, so we arrived quite early at 4:45 am in the morning at one of the bus stops. I got off first to pick up our luggage and I thought that Rebekah was right behind me. I had to put some things back into my bag but when I looked up afterwards, she was nowhere to be seen. That freaked me out because the bus station was the size of Coquitlam's station except I looked everywhere and couldn't see her. I wasn't quite as worried about myself as for her as I dragged everything with me and had all the money and directions. I was just worried she got kidnapped on the spot or something since it's so early in the morning. Turns out she walked right into the train station because she looked right past me and thought that I went into the train station already. Pretty funny but pretty scary at the time.

7. When we finally arrived in Warsaw's central train station and got out, we tried following the Hostel directions but couldn't find it and started feeling quite irritated (we were hungry and tired because of the bumpy bus road but at the same time tried to stay alert because Poland is known to be not really safe). But then a man in business suit came up to us while walking from the opposite direction, talking on his phone, and offered to help us out. "where are you two from?" he asks and Rebakah replied "Singapore". I practically stayed silent the whole time because I kept on having second thoughts "is he safe?", especially when he talked on the phone to ask his friend to help us and then two other men comes up and the first man walks up to the two to ask for us...couldn't help but think that they were a group. But turns out he really was helping us and eventually we found our hostel.

8. We didn't tell our hostel that we would arrive so early in the morning so the two of us sat first in the kitchen of the hostel to sleep and then went down to the couches in the lounge and just laid there flat until 10 am. Never in my life had I felt so deprived of sleep. Not even from airplane rides. Quite an experience though I must say.

9. The whole experience in Warsaw was just plain full of small mistakes here and there...going to the wrong stops, walking on the wrong streets, going to museums that weren't even open that day, but also full of fun in that way because we got to see other interesting things like going into Thrift shops, market places, and interesting restaurants and milk bars. Oh and we were going to visit a palace near a lake inside the park, but when we went there it was already dark and the pathway leading into the forest was extremely dark. Feeling quite annoyed that we spent so much time trying to go to this place and cannot actually go in, I told Rebekah we should try so she got out her torch and we walked together into the forest. But halfway through down the hill her torch burned out and it was pitch black. Rebekah said we should go back but a part of me had this stubborness that goes back to my Tofino trip where I was also stubborn about another pitch dark event. So we walked down a bit more before I suddenly felt quite irresponsible towards Rebekah and said we should go back. I felt quite bad that I was making the both of us go through something that could be adventurous but also risk taking at the same time. Because what if some thief came out of the bushes around us and attacked us? There were no people around to help us because by then we were pretty far into the forest. So we ended up not seeing the palace and not seeing some other monuments in the park either.

10. This morning we woke up at 7 am and were supposed to grab breakfast and leave by 8:20 am. But when I woke up I suddenly realized that we don't even know what time the bus leaves for the airport so I went quickly to check the time schedule only to find that it would be really tight if we make it for the 8:35 bus, so we actually needed to take the 8:20 am bus, which according to our observation the other day should've been 5 min. We got out at 8:05 am but when we started walking we found out that Rebekah mistakingly remembered one bus stop for another and the one we needed to go to was near the city centre, which was a 15 min walk. So by that time I was in my panic mode and was half running half speed dragging our luggages...and I finally kind of exploded in some sort of irritation mode by keep on saying "omg omg omg". And it kind of killed me how we first had to walk down some stairs underground and walk up some stairs to go to the other side of the road because there were no pedestrain cross walks on the main road itself. we did that 3 times because we kept on going into the wrong directions. Up down up down. My arms were sore by then. We finally got onto the 8:35 am bus and was stuck in traffic jam...which wasn't that bad but still bad enough to make us seem "just in time" for the check in at the air port. Funny thing was...once we got to the airport, we didn't even know which terminal to go to. But everything worked out just fine and we got through the gates and onto the flight.

11. The only problem was, after we came back from Warsaw, we lost our luggage. I tell you the truth, by then I just felt like I had enough "interesting things" happening on my trip that I kept on swearing under my breadth. On the one hand I was quite upset but at the other hand I was even more upset why I was upset. The irony of everything was I felt quite bad for my rude attitudes and irritated feelings whenever something went wrong. Just the other time Jon shared about how Christians should have faith that isn't affected by the things that happen in their lives, and it really sticked to me in the sense that I really wanted to aim for that...but when I realized how I lost the luggage, I also kind of lost it and felt quite weak in my faith. Rebekah, on the other hand, kept on trying to assure me that they would find the luggage and give it back to us within the next few days, but I just didn't trust in anything and anyone. What was lost seemed lost to me forever. Just like a lot of things in life that I've lost.

So that concludes my descriptions of the incidences that occurred to me. But while everything seemed to be out of order and unexpected, I think its God's way of teaching me and Rebekah because quite frankly, the best ways to learn something is always hands on experience and just being free to make mistakes. After we got on the bus from the airport to Lund, we both agreed that we learned quite a bit for our trip. We learned that we both needed these experiences so that in our future trips we would know more about how to take care of each other. I learned that we should never assume we would have enough time and figure things out the last minute. But I also learned that down right planning and scheduling everything doesn't always make everything perfect either because incidences do occur. You never know what to expect the next moment and that's the art of the unexpected. So to achieve the maximum of both, there should be an equal balance between planning and going with the flow. I also learned that perhaps I should have more faith and stop worrying so much. I tend to get irritated by circumstances that I neglect to care about the people around me. For example, while rushing towards to central station I totally did not care about Rebekah who was walking far behind me. At the time I was actually wondering how I could be dragging the luggages, have my backpack, and still walk faster than her while she walked at a normal speed. But now that I think back the guilt comes back to me because I forgot about how her feet was hurt a month ago and how she might not feel comfortable walking too fast. And the time when we were leaving from the first Hostel and I just took care of my own things and didn't look out for Rebekah to see if she left anything behind. She ended up forgetting her scarf.

I know that I'm fully capable of looking out for myself and taking care of myself on trips now, but I think its time for me to really act out more on my faith and stop worrying so much and getting irritated and mad at people and things. I should also start taking care of other people too because I feel like thats what we're meant to do for each other, to look out, encourage, and support each other. I'm so thankful that Rebekah was my partner for this trip because together we learned so much and had a good time finding things out ourselves.

Now for some good things about our trip =] :

1. The night we arrived in Gdansk, we went to this restaurant that I searched up called U Dzika and the atmosphere and food was fabulous. We had Poland's famous Roasted duck and Polish dumpling (pierogi) where one dish was stuffed with cheese and the other with salmon. We also had a sausage soup that was searched in a rye bread bowl. Mmm mm good. That night we walked and bussed back to our hostel feeling quite stuffed but happy. We aso laughed at how adventurous we were because the hostel we chose, called "Mama's and Papa's" was actually quite far from the center and had to go through a bit of a dark street. But we also loved it there because its such a family based hostel where there really was a mama, papa, and son serving us and papa was a hippie looking guy who couldn't speak english very well but who took care of us very well, taking us to the bus stop in the morning and putting some music on for us to listen during breakfast time. I really miss the hostel now even though it was just one night =[.

2. The Marlbork Castle was really amazing I think. The largest castle in the world there were so much to see and walk around to. Each hidden door seemed to symbolize something...and just walking through the corridors made you imagine how life must've been during the medieval ages when there were still knights and churches inside of castles. Really interesting.

3. The old town in Warsaw is just beautiful. Yes, I know, most old towns are beautiful but there was just something about the one in Warsaw that words can't explain. Maybe it was because we went during sunset so the lights flickered brilliantly on the building's exteriors, or maybe it was because of the walk down the pathway of the castle nearby at night...whichever reason, it was totally worth it.

4. The shopping. The shopping was really good. The food too. In Warsaw we went to this milk bar our hostel recommended us, (speaking of which, the hostel we stayed in, called Oki Doki, has one of the most artistic rooms you can find anywhere at such a reasonable price...but the hot waters weren't that good =P), and we found the pancakes there very very wonderful, especially after a long walk through their nearby market place (I bought boots, but oh dear they're in the lost luggage right now). We ordered a rasberry pancake, an apple pancake, and a chicken pancake. And of my believe me, I loved their ginger ice tea. I wish I knew how to make it (I will search for it =D).

5. And last but not least, after I came back home, and after my depressed moments, I decided to go to our university's (by now I'm already referring to Lund as my home) international club and we baked cinnamon buns together! It was so much fun kneading and playing around with the dough, and by the time we finished we just sat in a very long table, and one of my professors, her mom, and twenty of us students just sat down to enjoy coffee and our own home made buns. I packed a few away so I still have some to eat tomorrow morning =] .

Life is too short for regrets. Rebekah is right. You can be a pessimistic person and tend to have negative thoughts but you can also choose to not thing negatively. I'll stop thinking about my lost suitcase now. Jesus please give me back my suitcase tomorrow or the day after. Thank you very much. Amen. =]

P.S: I want to come back to Poland again in the future...several years later with a person who I love. Maybe my mom, a friend, or ...but either way I'd like to go back, be able to recall my experiences, and just share it with the person I love. It would really mean a lot to me. Probably better than spending time in Paris or whichever beautiful city that everybody tends to over rate.

Dear Heavenly papa,

Thank you for giving me strength whenever I need them. Today I was feeling quite stressed over multiple things...and a bit upset too for that matter, and was deciding on whether I should go to bible study or not. But I felt compelled to go since I needed to speak to Rebekah about our trip...so I biked there anyways and experienced one of those worship moments when I go ahh and want to cry because of Your beauty.

But yes from 1 Peter of tonight I learned that I need to be more equipped with an answer for everyone who asks me to give the reason for the hope that I have in you. I need to be prepared.

Thank you for Kristina and Rebekah and Sarah and everyone in Ad Fontes too. There's something special here that I can't find anywhere else <3

Kathy

Have you ever woken in the middle of the night or woken up in the morning feeling extremely empty inside and wishing that there was someone beside you to hug you and tell you that everything is alright and that you are not alone? Maybe its called home sickness, or maybe its a sense of longing that I don't know about, but I've definitely had those moments several times each week when I'm not on trips and don't wake up occupied with countless things to do. Instead, I'm left alone in my room with my iTune library on 24 /7 playing songs from Song of Praises or other favourites and a kitchen waiting for me to use. I've come to rely on music and cooking as a sense of company. And when the time difference permits, whatsapp, face time, and skype because I can talk with friends over seas. Maybe thats why I've been cooking more than I've done in ages. It keeps my heart beating and my sense of home refreshed. I'm at home, I tell myself. I'm at home where I have home made food, a warm bed, and music to listen to. I'm a big girl, I tell myself. I can take care of myself.

But when these rush of moments filled with emptiness comes, I can't help but imagine what it would be like to live and die alone. No one to share my joy with, no one to lend their shoulder for me to cry on, no one to be there for me on my death bed. Of course, I know that I have countless friends and mom to care about me but that makes me empathize and think of the main character from the book "the five people you meet in heaven" by Mitch Albom. Eddie, the main character of the book, lived and died feeling quite alone, regretful, and unloved most of his life. He felt that life had been extremely harsh to him with the war, his crippled leg, his lost wife who died at a young age, and a father who never seemed to love him. He brought all these anguish and unhappiness with him to heaven before they were solved one by one. Like a puzzle piece to a bigger picture, Eddie finally realized why he existed in this world, and learned that perhaps, he was loved much more than he thought he was, even having been saved by a stranger who lost his life without his knowing. In the end, Eddie found his own happiness amongst all things where everything finally makes sense and he is content with what he has.

So what do I do when I find myself struggling and fighting against these moments of sadness? I pray to God to fill me up with His love. I pray for His mighty arm to be my refuge. I pray to Him to wash away my sadness. I pray that one day, perhaps the puzzle pieces to my life would be solved one by one as Eddie's did. I pray that I will be joyful and that my tears will one day turn from drops of hopelessness to drops of healing rain.
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<3

I've decided to start a blog on wordpress called "Princess You are Beautiful". For those of you who know me I've always been a bit obsessed with princesses, so this will totally satisfy my cravings. I haven't decided exactly how I'd like to approach this but I'm actually interested in researching up true princess stories, stories that have happened either in the past or in the present and that are meaningful and thought provoking. Of course, I'd also include some of my favourite fiction stories (not that I've read a lot), but this will definitely be a very fascinating project for me.

In a world where fairytales seem to exist only in dazzled hollywood movies and disney channels, would there be a chance that there are true stories out there that have been hidden or not well known of?

http://princessyouarebeautiful.wordpress.com/

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So true.

Thanks for sharing this quote with me. Thanks for telling me that you think this is what I'm going through right now. =]
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Back from Germany.

I just realized watching love movies or clips nowadays make me want to cry no matter if they're happy or sad.

Hmm...

Psalm 118: 22-29

22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 The LORD has done it this very day;
let us rejoice today and be glad.

25 LORD, save us!
LORD, grant us success!

26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.[a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine on us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up[b] to the horns of the altar.

28 You are my God, and I will praise you;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.

29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
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A few days ago, I was attending bible study and I was astounded by the visions God has given to one of the girls there. In fact, the girl told us that every one of us receives visions from God, its just that we have to take notice of it amongst our busy lives. So I wonder, what is the vision that God is giving me or will give me?

Then, during bible study, Jon raised up an important point that never even crossed over my mind before. We were studying 1 Peter 2:11-22, and in there it told us to submit to authority and to fear God. So one member of the group asked us why we had to fear God and what does it mean to fear God, to which Jon replied by saying that to fear God is to put trust in Him and have faith and a consistent attitude towards what happens in our lives. That was a thought provoking moment for me because throughout my short Christian life, I think I've always assumed that fearing God is to try to do the right things and not get Him mad. But fearing God is actually much more than that. Its the view that God's grace is so awesome that we cannot do anything much but to try to honour Him. Our attitude towards life shouldn't be "why are you doing this to me, God? don't you love me?" when we experience low moments of our lives, but to actually trust Him and know that He will make things alright. Christianity in North America has been so focused on the "Love" aspect that we forget about how to "Fear" God. God, in the end, has the ultimate authority over our lives.

That being said, I think the "consistent attitude" that Jon talked about has really given me insight because afterwards, the next day actually, when I went to school and was super late for my presentation (I couldn't wake up and when I did it was already 7:30am and I had an 8am class) I just had this peace and calmness within me where I kept on thinking to myself "consistent attitude consistent attitude consistent attitude".

              

Just this past weekend, I had a hop over to Stockholm for three days two nights and had a blast visiting a few museums (Fotographiska, Nobel Museum, and Royal Palace, Drottningholm Palace, Cityhall, Skansen), as well as going on top of the Gondalen Tower, trying out the transport systems (Train, metro, and bus), and having a take away Fika from Cafe Saturnus, which is best known for their coffee in milk and Kannebullar (cinnamon buns). I really like Stockholm for its big city life but I also find it quite nice that everything isn't so condensed that you couldn't make out which building is which. I love the shorelines and the Old Town (Gamla Stan), which was where my Hostel was. And the really nice thing about Hostel this time is that even though there were still people who snored (there's never a time when you don't get people who snore), I felt relatively safe, the dorm room was only 7 people (including me, 4 girls, 3 guys) and we actually talked as a group at night because everybody comes back to the dorm at around 9 or 10 and have nothing much to do. Two ladies were from England and Two guys were from Spain, so we just talked about cultural differences and how expensive things were in Sweden (Yes some things can be quite expensive here). The weather was really nice too, in contrast to the rainy and windy weather experienced last weekend in Gothenburg.

The palaces and city hall were quite interesting too. To step into a hall where every year the Nobel Prize winners have the banquet in and to be in a palace where the current Royal family lives in is quite an incomprehensible experience. If I had the time, I think I wouldn't have mind spending a day in each place looking at all the art works and imagining how life would be like as the architect who designed the city hall or how the princess and prince used to feel living in the palace (a day in the palace, lets per say). On top of that, I learnt to appreciate the Nobel Prize a whole lot more after visiting the City Hall and Nobel museum, because you learn about why Alfred Nobel created the prizes and how much struggle each Nobel Prize winner must've experienced fighting for their passion before receiving the rewards. And for the third time since arriving in Sweden, I fell in awe at how someone can be so determined to do something they might not be good at but succeed in doing at the end. Van Gogh never touched a drawing board or painted in his life up until he was an adult and decided to become a painter for life one day. Nick Brandt never touched photography but was determined to capture the portrait life of animals in his thirties and became a photographer ever since. And Alfred Nobel never thought about creating the Nobel Prize until the time he wrote his will. Which changed the world, I believe.

In looking back at the last few days, I also had quite a remarkable experience going to Stockholm (its funny too, I believe). So originally, I was supposed to be at the Lund station on Friday morning at 9am, so I decided to take the 8:47am bus, which would make me arrive at the station right on exact 9am. I thought about taking the earlier bus but that would mean I'd arrive at the station 40 min earlier, and its cold waiting outside for that long. So anyhow, the bus didn't come until almost 9, so I started worrying that I'd miss my train to Malmo station. The bus driver stopped at one of the bus stops to talk with a lady for a long time in between. My friend messaged me on the way that she'd take the train from the city to Malmo without me because it was at 9:13am. I missed the train to Malmo and waited for the next one, which was 9:20 am. I arrived at Malmo at 9:40am, which made me 5 min late for the Stockholm train and I missed that. So I had to wait for 2.5 hours at Malmo for the 12:11pm train. I walked around Malmo city for a bit, ate McDonalds, got some money from the bank, bought a pair of gloves, and went back to Malmo Station. I got on the 12:11 train and asked the staff if I could board, since they assign seat numbers and I obviously didn't have a seat number for the afternoon train. So then the staff asked me "Why didn't you just take the train from Lund? You could've waited there since the train would've arrived there from Malmo at 9:47am". So lesson learned: if you think you can't make it for the train at a certain station, check if they'll pass by your station, even if you didn't pay to get on from your own station because its more expensive.

I was quite upset for a bit on the train ride going to Stockholm by myself. Because I first thought, "darn I could've taken the earlier train if I had known! Now I'm going to miss out on some things in Stockholm! Actually, a whole day for that matter!" and then I thought it quite lonely that I had to sit on the train for 5 hours with no one to talk to. But afterwards, I realized that it was good BECAUSE I had time by myself. I finished the novel "The girl who chased after the moon" (a very very good book), listened to some music, thought about some things, and looked out the window at the amazing landscape in Sweden. And I enjoyed it that way, quite a bit. Because I was learning how to enjoy myself, a lesson that God had been teaching me for a long long time.

Sometimes, that's just how life goes. Sometimes you miss out on something small, like a bus ride or a train ride. And you'd think to yourself, darn, how could I be in such bad luck? But sometimes, you miss out on something big, like an opportunity for the dream job you want, or the dream family that you'd like to have, and you think to yourself "Is it my fault or is this fate?" But maybe, every missed opportunity in itself is an opportunity on its own. Every obstacle you face may be a gift from God. And every thing you'd experienced in your life may be the building blocks for your future.

If things hadn't happened the way they did a year ago, I wouldn't have been so determined to travel to break through of my constraints. If things didn't happen the way they did this year from Jan-August, I wouldn't have learnt to be stronger and to trust in things not of this world but on promises from above. If things didn't happen the way they did I wouldn't be here in Sweden experiencing things that I never imagined myself in doing. This is my gift from God. And I will treasure it.

I didn't catch my last train. But I caught the next. What the difference is between the two, no one will ever know, because no two person ever experiences the exact same thing. We can only guess and make assumptions of the "could have beens" and "missed opportunities". But what's more important. What has been gained or what has been lost? That's a question I'm still learning to solve.

Home is where the heart is~my home in Sweden.

I could be learning many things, some big some small but one of the things that I'm learning right now is how to read the map! More effectively, that is. You see, just this past weekend me and two other friends decided to go on a two day trip to Gothenburg, the second largest city in Sweden. It took us around 3 hours to get to Gothenburg by train, and when we arrived at the train station, we suddenly realized that we had a big task in front of us: finding out how to get to our hostel, which we apparently had no idea of.

It took us around an hour of walking around, reading the map, asking people, and taking the tram in order to get to our hostel...only to realize that it was actually only a 15 min walk in the opposite direction that we headed towards from the train station. Apparently the lady we asked directions from thought it best that we go around the whole city by tram in order to go to our hotel. Don't get me wrong though. I sincerely thanked her help.

But throughout the two day trip, to my surprise, I was the one holding the map the whole time leading and asking directions. So I learned quickly. Reading the map isn't hard, its just about locating where you are and where you want to go. And it takes practice and time. So efficiency naturally comes with practice. Which brings me to my next thought:

Where do I want to be in the next year in my life? And where am I now? How can I get there without walking around in circles or going into the wrong direction? How can I read my own life map?

I know I know...its a very intriguing question and I seriously haven't given it much thought...or enough thought...but I really want to find out soon. I need to finally know what I want. All I know right now is that I'm fine with taking care of myself and living on my own, which means that I'm perfectly fine with moving on to the next step: finding a job that can form into my career. And I want to leave behind all those people problems and really live a new life: maybe I will seriously consider having short term internships abroad. I like how people in new places accept me for who they see me now and don't judge me by my past. Clean-slate non biased. But of course, how can I not miss home? The clean fresh smell of home, my mom's spectacular cooking, my very good high school friends, my aiya ar gor's and didi's who could make me laugh whenever I'm a little gloomy, and Vancouver's awesome Jap food. Oh wells...who would know what'll happen next year...I just need to continue living a day at a time...a day at a time.