December 9, 2011

  • Sharing

    Sharing can be a powerful encouragement and release from our past in order to generate our hope for the future. It can help point out different areas in our lives that we need the healing of God to overcome the dark, negative, and strongholds that Satan wishes to encompass and control us with. Sharing, especially of our weaknesses and failures is a way to show our own weaknesses and God's holiness and power to give us strength. It is His divine love for us that let us experience hurt and pain, because its through these that God's glory can shine and we can be moulded into the man or woman He wants us to be.

    Four months ago, when I first arrived in Lund, I prayed on and off for a Christian friend to share with in Sweden, someone who would understand me and who could pray for me and with me. I met a lot of good friends in Ade Fontes, but none too close to share with, and I still felt the bridge and gap between cultural differences that hindered me from sharing my own past. I shared a little with Kristina, who is, in my opinion, such a lovely girl with the way she takes care of the people around her and the smile that she carries. But somehow I didn't share everything with her because it just "didn't feel right." Perhaps the holy spirit stopped me because He knows that there is someone He has put into my life to share with.

    Wednesday night, after our bible study fellowship, I went back home, took the sleeping bag and two blankets that Michelle let us borrow so that Kristina could sleep over at my place, and went upstairs to return it to her. Michelle, who came from South Africa, was a member of my cell group at Ade Fontes who I would describe as " a woman totally after God's heart". I was always in awe about her from the way she could prophesy, the way that she could see visions and experience the holy spirit so deeply, and the way she could worship with her whole heart and be full of the knowledge of God. I think somehow I grew to look up to her but also keep a small distance from her because she was so holy and passionate. And the cultural differences. It was slightly hard at times to understand each other's cultures. But somehow, that night, as I entered into her studio, sat down for a hot chocolate, and listened to her Chris Tomlin songs from her computer, something happened that opened Michelle's heart to share with me. One moment we were talking about marine biology, then the next moment Michelle was sharing her story of her past with me, and her testimony of how God saved her. As I listened to her story unfold at the different chapters of her hurts and pain, I slowly realized that God was putting her into my life as that friend I prayed for to share with. It was as if He was telling me "See? There she is. Someone who has gone through similar experiences with you and who understands you and who might've even gone through more hurts than you to experience my love and healing."

    So after she shared with me, she commented on how she didn't even know why she started talking about her story, to which I responded, "I know why. Because God wants me to hear it to encourage me." And then I told her about my story and my hurts and pain throughout life. As she listened, I knew she understood, and at the end of the story, she showed me passages in the bible of what God wants me to know. Now understand this: I didn't share with Michelle about the time when I saw the scriptures of the Jars of Clay in 1 Corinthians three times and how I felt God was telling me its time that I learn how to love myself. But when Michelle shared that passages with me, I knew that God was once again making a stronger message to me to explain why I had gone through some of the things in my life.

    "Sweetie", she said, "God wants you to know from your past that you should start loving yourself. You totally have the capacity to love others but you have to love yourself too. You deserve so much more because God loves you like a princess and God created you such that He can name as much good things about you as the grains in the sea of sands and the stars of the universe. And scientists have found out that the universe is expanding. So he is increasing the good things He can say about you all of the time." She went on to explain how in the beginning, everything in the world was perfect (Genesis), but from the fall of man, a curse was put on everything including the curses He has put on women. "But in contrary to what some people interpret, God is warning women when He said "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you", instead of cursing women to be under the authority of men and have no equality."

    What this means is that women were to have emotions and the power to love men immensely more than herself, such that if a man gave a woman a mustard seed of love, the woman would give him her whole life. And this was a warning because God doesn't intentionally want a woman to be ruled by a man, but in fact, wants her to love God more than her husband and be able to follow His instructions. God created women to be loving creatures, but He also created woman to be equal parts to men, as partners, not as servants. So women mustn't "lose" themselves once they are in a relationship with men, but be able to submit to authority only in trust and faith of God. Just as how Sarah submitted to Abraham's instructions to be sent to the foreigners when Abraham was scared the Egyptians would kill him if they realize that Sarah was his wife and not his sister. I believe she must've resented but still trusted God to provide a way to help her out. Soe be submitted to be ruled over by her husband but only in trust to God.

    There were many other things Michelle shared with me for the night, and so we talked from 10pm to 5 am in the morning. What should've been a 5 min talk turned out to be an 8 hour in depth conversation, and by the end of everything, Michelle and I prayed together and we asked God for guidance in our lives, what I should do, and what God wants me to know. And I received passages that I still need to decipher and interpret from the Lord but two of them were particularly comforting...that the Lord was with me and will never forsake me.

    Oh and there was this song that is just so so wonderful: