November 22, 2011

• Uncovering secrets

  So last night I got the chance to talk with my dad over Skype for the first time for two hours straight. No major gaps and no major awkward moments. The conversation flowed out naturally as if the two of us had known each other for life yet had many hidden secrets that we wished to share with each other all of a sudden. I originally asked him about his work, to which he responded by telling me every inch of detail that he could, and then told me about his work in the past. Contrary to what I always pictured, I think fate took over my dad more than the effort he asserted into his job. Some things, maybe he could’ve tried harder, but others, well, let’s just say that a lot of misfortune blocked his way.

  He also told me a brief glimpse of mom and him in the past. Although I have to say that I totally understand my mom’s point of view and her abrupt and extreme actions to defend me and our future, I also see how dad wasn’t the kind of dad I imagined him to be. He wasn’t selfish at all towards me, and I could tell that to a certain degree, he really did love my mom. Before my mom and him got married, my mom already had her first surgery. Before the surgery, my mom was much more gentle in the way she speaks and acts (I’m trying very hard to imagine her like that lol), and she did a lot of lovey dovey things I would NEVER imagine her to do =P. But later on, after the surgery, because of the hormone in balance she would get frustrated at the slightest things possible, and my dad was put into a circumstance where a lot of his friends told him he wouldn’t be in much of a happy married life if he married my mom. But my dad still persevered and did whatever my mom told him to do and took care of her well. Of course, my dad could be making this up a bit but I do recall asking my mom why he married dad and she did tell me how he took care of her during the hospital stay, which quite touched her heart.

  Now besides telling me about him and mom’s past, dad also told me how much he wanted to see me after I was born. He told me about the lawsuit and the few brief times he was able to see me, and then how heart broken he was when mom and I suddenly disappeared. He told me he could easily hire a secret agent to find out the whereabouts of our foot prints, but then he decided not to because that would just cause more drama and disruption to my life. He also told me a secret that I found the most touching ever, to which I’ll keep it a secret from here, but from the moment I heard of it my whole perception of him changed. I never knew he gave up what he could’ve had for me. And I never knew how one of the things that sustained him through his cancer therapy was the thought and feeling that somehow some day he would see me again.

  Like. wow.

  I have a dad who loves me. Incomprehensible. The more I think about it the more I view myself as extremely fortunate. Fortunate in the sense that the things I’ve gone through my whole life is like a life long journey where God unfolds certain surprises for me here and there. Broken, shattered but full of hope at the same time because He’ll put back the pieces together to form a new masterpiece.

  And silly old dad. He couldn’t sleep for the longest time ever after our conversation. Then this morning he emailed me and told me he has full confidence in me for my future since I told him last night how “lost” I was as to what to do.

  • 9:15 am
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