June 26, 2011

  • Even if I can't wake up early enough tomorrow morning for the 8:30am service, I MUST talk about this right now!  Because God is just so amazing!

    On Friday, when I was at school attending my BUS 432 class, I checked my status for accommodation at Lund University.  It said I was wait listed. Unsure of what that really meant, I checked the footnote to make sure, and it said that being wait listed meant that all accommodations were now full and that I must be ready to look for accommodation myself because there is the chance that I won't have anywhere near campus to live.  Shocked, I started to become upset because I was always so sure that I wouldn't have to worry about my accommodation.  "I'm under the housing guarantee agreement," I thought,"There's no way that they cannot help me." Of course, I still had faith that God would allow me to go on my trip, but it was becoming dimmer and I struggled over the fact that on top of everything else I had to do, I had to search for a place to live within the month's time that I have left. I also had fear and a small doubt started to grow within me. "Will I really be able to go? Will God really help me?"

    I also had to lead bible study that night, which I was totally unready for.  Just the night before I finished my paper at 3:30am.  Which meant I had approximately 4 hours of sleep.  As I got ready to head out the door for fellowship, my heart suddenly got burdened and I prayed to Jesus that he would give me strength for the bible study as well as let me know how I should deal with my accommodation issue.  I told him "Jesus I'm so unhappy!" and then off I go to church. 

    And then something special happened.  God listened to my prayer and revealed his answer to me within the same night, within hours, something that rarely happens to me.  After the singspiration at the beginning of fellowship, Wai Ho gave a sharing of 2 Kings 6:8-23.  There, Elisha was about to encounter his enemies, the Arameans, and Elisha's servant was quite afraid of the fact.  "Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" the servant asked.  And Elisha answered, "Don't be afraid" and then prayed to God to open his servant's eyes to see the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.  And so the servant's eyes was opened to see these things.  What Wai Ho brought out of his sharing (and he talked about one of his fears) was that fear, or being fearful, can hinder us to see what God sees.  When we are afraid, we tend to think in a negative and doubtful tendency so that matters are not solved in a calm manner.  But when we put these fears aside and focus on the problem itself, we see things in a different perspective and thus, see things we didn't before.  Maybe we are too focused on our own fears so we neglect to see God's blessings.  Or maybe we are just too focused on ourselves overall.

    Then Wai Ho asked us to pray and enjoy the prescence of God for a few minutes, and so I sat there meditating on His Words.  But when I looked over at my bible again (the women's bible given to me by Eunice), I saw a sharing by an author called Carol Kent about the same passage, and this was what she wrote:

    Facing Fear

    [Hear are] five truths to consider when you're tempted to feel hopeless and trapped in fear of the future:
    1. Life is full of negative things that might happen.  Life is hard, and it shouldn't surprise us that a fallen world will provide disappointment, painful losses, unfulfilled expectations and sadness.
    2. As long as I choose a path of personal growth, I will face fearful situations.  The day nothing happens that makes us feel a little bit afraid, we'd better watch out!  We may have quit breathing!  New opportunities and challenges bring numerous, fearful situations that we must deal with!
    3. Acknowledging my anxieties is a positive first step.  Seek help from experts in an area of concern.  Or discuss your fears with your spouse or good friend. 
    4. An attitude of optimism will make today more enjoyable.  Seek out humorous thoughts and anecdotes.
    5. Choosing a faith-filled decision is much less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from feeling helpless.  Moving out in faith may seem frightening, risky, impossible, senseless, stretching, gut-wrenching and unnatural.  But it's worth it!

    The last point, point 5, was the one that struck me.  Of course! Living with faith does not mean that there's no fear but that it will be much better than if you lived in fear, feeling helpless because you can't come out of it.  Living with faith-filled decisions means that you are trying to accomplish something despite the fact that you are afraid, and that by doing so, you will also overcome and win over your fear.  That's the beauty of fear.  Once you overcome it, it no longer is fear but becomes a new quality, trait, or accomplishment within you.  Once upon a time you were afraid of heights.  But you overcame it and now you're climbing one of the highest mountains and gaining more and more confidence.

    So with a click of the brain, I realized the first thing that God was telling me.  He wanted me to know that I did not have to be afraid, that I could let go of this and other types of fear that I have so that I could see more of what He wants me to see about my journey.  He wants me to choose the faith-filled decisions and continue going through with it, and that by going on my exchange, I will overcome some of my fears.  "Turn your eyes upon Jesus~" I heard the choir singing in the next room while meditating on these thoughts.

    Afterwards, while leading bible study, I suddenly felt a strong connection between me and Moses.  The chapter taught was Exodus 3-4:17, and there, God revealed to Moses in the form of a burning bush on top of Mount Sinai, the Mountain of God, and told him of his plans to rescue the Israelite out of Egypt.  Of course, the plan included Moses.  So when Moses learned about all this, he became afraid and backed out by asking God "Who am I that I shouldgo to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out ofEgypt?")v. 11-12.  And God answered "I will be with you." 

    Once I taught up to that part, I realized that God was saying the exact same thing to me, and that I was like Moses, asking God "Who am I that I should go on this exchange trip?  I don't even know how to take care of myself or support myself financially!" But instead of answering me by telling me who I am, God just told me that I needn't worry because He will be with me and that is all that I need to know.  I shouldn't focus on myself or whether or not I am competent enough to study abroad.  I should just focus on God and have faith that this trip is part of God's plan to transform me.  Just like how He transformed Moses. 

    So with these two messages, I was greatly comforted by His touch.

    Then this morning, while praying with a group of brothers and sisters at 7am in the morning, God once again spoke to me, but He only gave me three words: faith, faithfulness, and compassion.  I didn't know what it really meant at first, but as we continued to pray, I was suddenly reminded of Moses again, and I knew that God wanted me to pray about them.  I needed to thank God for being so faithful to me.  Because He always gives and doesn't ask for anything back.  I needed to have more faith in Him, because the truth was (and is), He has faith in me first!  But the third word, compassion, I could not comprehend until later that night. Regardless of that, throughout the day I kept on thinking about these words.

    I was really tired the rest of the day though I was glad that Carrie came back =]

    At night, when I stepped into Praise and Worship of my church, I suddenly realized why God gave me the third word.  He wanted to show me His compassion and also reveal to me that I actually had compassion.  During a sharing by a godly brother, I started crying very hard (though in silence) because I had compassion for him.  I strongly understood how he felt and I knew some of the difficulties he must be going through.  I was there not too long ago myself and I knew exactly how hard it was to stay put and have faith.  So after praise and worship, I wanted to encourage him, though that never really happened in the end because I was a bit too shy and the moments were a bit too awkward.

    And God showed His compassion to me throughout the songs we sang at night.  I put the songs I remember into a small phrase to remind myself of this night: We want to be more FAITHFUL, we pray for BLESSINGS, we need HEALING, and we believe that He is THE SAVING ONE.