May 16, 2011

  • Tonight as we gathered together in prayer to Abba, I finally took courage to forgive my father.  When I saw him last week at the restaurant and airport, I already knew that parts of me forgave him.  It was just the act of confession that I needed to take in order to fully forgive him.  I never realized the change of my attitude towards him until the moment that I saw him last week.  What changed me I could never imagine or remember, but as I saw him healthy and strong this time round compared to 2009, I couldn't help but smile at his little chubby face...smiling because he's happy so I'm happy for him.  Just months ago I was still angry at him for not being able to depend on himself financially, yet there I was last week laughing and joking about him being more "好樣" jor. =] And the fact that my dad took me and mom to look at the airport museum and took pictures of airplanes with me made me feel like I actually had a family time.  Amazingly, my mom didn't yell at my dad like she used to but wrapped her arms around my dad's while crossing the street...a sight quite marvelous for me to see =].

    But just like my experience at the CCF camp in February, while we prayed tonight I suddenly thought of a special someone and I started praying and praying for him.  到了現在，我還是會發夢看到他。我不清楚他最近的狀況，而當我每次有意無意中從別人的口裡聽到了關於他的事情時，我都會有點心酸。。。心酸因為其實我很怕聽到他的事。。。怕他的事會不知不覺地傷害我，又心酸因為要從別人的口裡才能夠知道他的事情正代表著我們現在的距離有多麼的遠，多麼的陌生。而每次碰面時，我不是不想跟他打招呼，不是故意不跟他談話或問候他，只不過我的自然反應往往會遮蓋著我所有的想法。因為我怕。But I prayed for him because I want him to be healed, I want him to be happy, I want him to be protected and enveloped by the wonderful Abba.  I want him to be loved and be well.  I believe one day he will become a remarkable person, someone different from whom he is before and now.  I know this by heart and no its not a part of my business but I just know.

    停一停，想一想，其實我很惡毒，很自私，根本就不懂得愛別人。。。所以求天父先教我如何愛身邊的人，怎樣愛天父，媽媽和爸爸。
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